The new Impala is the best looking Impala so far.
Chevy has a history of creating non-offensive sedans. But in the past few years, they’ve drifted from “non-offensive” to “why are you even selling this new when you know it’s built for rental car purposes”.
The last Chevy Impala is the automotive equivalent of a mayonnaise sandwich: so bland it’s obscene, off-puttingly milquetoast, small wheels on a heavy-looking body that causes even the oldest person who shouldn’t be driving to pine for something with a little more oomph in the design department. It’s like they took a Holden Commodore and handed it to Kenny G.
But the new Impala looks so much different. For once, they’ve released a sedan that doesn’t look outdated as they’re unloading it off the truck at the dealership. It’s forward-thinking, it’s muscular, it has stance, and it’s nostalgic in the right ways (referential elements tastefully move forward) instead of the wrong ways (bits and pieces of an outdated car bizarrely tacked onto something made after the oil crisis).
Make no mistake – they cheated. From the shortened chrome sidebar on the door to the exaggerated haunches, they’ve made a boat-like sedan look much shorter and more coupe-like than it actually is. And that’s ok, because you don’t feel cheated looking at this. It’s not a school bus with a spoiler. It’s well-executed.
And speaking of well-executed – my God, that interior. It’s like the designers took an internship at Maserati. It’s plush but not a La-Z-Boy with wheels, it’s sculpted, it’s finessed, it’s comfortable, it’s sporty, and that rich brown color is straight from an S-Class.
For some mild criticism, however – they didn’t fix the wheel situation which seems to be a real problem at GM. Many, if not most manufacturers have realized that the rear wheel looks hilariously small when you have a large, thick swath of metal above it. Usually they’ve fixed this through a combo of side-sculpting and larger wheels.
Chevy got the memo, but didn’t read all of it, because the side sculpting is almost-good-enough but the wheels are still a couple sizes too small. I’m not saying to put on funny-car wheels on the back, but is it too much to ask to put some 21” or 22” size rims on it to balance out its sheer size?
Second of all – whoever designed the door handles was too clever by half. They’re fussy as can be. You don’t need an indentation on both sides to protect your weak little hand as you open the door. Take a cue from Mercedes, BMW, Tesla, or even Chrysler – the simpler, the better.
Despite all that, this car is marvelous.
So why am I still despondent about it?
Because Chevy will do what they always do – they’ll keep it way past its expiration date, waiting until approximately 2029 to replace the current model by which we’ll have hovercars and it will be the last new form of transport available with four wheels.
Chevy has a way of literally beating the hell out of car designs to squeeze the last inch from them. They wait at least two years past a design’s expiration date – and then in some horrid cases, keep them on as “Classic” models for fleet purposes. It’s like Communist overbuilding of apartment blocks to make it look like the country is doing just fine, never mind the bread lines. You cheapen and dilute the brand by keeping the same staid, old-looking, not-that-great-to-start-with cars on the road. This isn’t an Aston DB9 which is forgivable over the course of a decade. This is a disposable family-sedan look which looks like an outhouse hole-in-the-ground compared to Hyundai’s self-cleaning musical bidet.
Memo to Chevy: the Impala gives me hope. I almost bought one, and would probably be writing this from the front seat of it right now if they switched out the silly Ecotec engines for the V8 from the SS (which they would never do in the past because some idiot bean counter thought that would take sales away from one of their bazillion other brands but since everything from Pontiac to Oldsmobile has gone t*ts up, then NOTHING IS STOPPING YOU).
Please don’t kill that hope by reverting to the Old “New GM”.