Apparently, tis the season for car companies to change their model names.
First, BMW and Mercedes played footsie with their coupe and sedan names in opposite directions. BMW changed the 3-series coupe/convertible to the 4-series and changed the 1-series coupe/convertible to the 2-series.
This was done so they could make a 4-Series 4-door coupe and a 6-Series 4-door coupe because consumers aren’t confused enough!
Mercedes consolidated, making the CLK a C-Class Coupe and the CL an S-Class Coupe, the latter of which is a throwback all the way to 1996.
something tells me the wheels aren’t original
But then things took a dark turn, with Infiniti’s inexplicable switch from their perfectly functional I, J, G, M, Q model names to all-Q model names.
the prior model year this exact car was called the G35. what the hell?
The idea was that it would make it easier for the consumer to understand the Infiniti product line, but what does it say about a car company’s sales for them to just come out and call their consumers retarded?
If you can’t tell the size differences between a G (small to midsize car), M (midsize to fullsize car), and Q (bigass car) then get out of the damn dealership, ok?
what the hell is a “personal luxury crossover”
Then the guy from Infiniti (Johan de Nysschen) exported his unique brand of terrorism elsewhere.
Next stop: Cadillac.
Now every Cadillac except the Escalade will be named CT_ (for example, CT6 will be the upcoming large sedan) which is self-defeating. de Nyquil admitted that the Escalade has such a good name that they’re keeping it — so why can’t they do it with the rest of the models? Sure, recent Cadillacs became a mush of ELR and XTS but they could have brought back or modernized Cadillac names that MEANT something, for chrissakes.
now THAT’s a fancy car name
And now, Mercedes has officially debuted an enormous overhaul of their model names, throwing a wrench into the secondhand market.
The core models will stay the same as A, B, C, E, S. One wonders why the B-Class name even needs to exist, it’s just a bloated A-Class. Worse yet, it changes their names from the formerly-awesome ACES to ABCES (nothing evokes the motoring spirit like pus).
The CLA and CLS stay the same, because CL no longer means actual coupes, it means 4-door coupes.
The SL stays the same and the SLK becomes the SLC, as Mercedes completes the putsch of “Kompressor” from any and all model lines.
And in a final blow, the entire Mercedes SUV line falls under the letter “G”:
GLA (new model)
GLC (formerly the GLK)
GLE (formerly the ML, a stupid move since the ML has had the same name since it was introduced)
GLS (formerly the GL — what the f**k?)
G (at least SOMEthing doesn’t change)
this will be the only car to survive the apocalypse
The upcoming “MLC” four-door-coupe-SUV-X6-insect-looking-thing will likely be called the GLE coupe, because yes, even an SUV can be a coupe nowadays!
*grins tragically as I take a chainsaw to a schoolbus*
This leaves room in the model scheme for a GLB — a baby G-Class to appeal to the poors (yuck) and a CLE (four-door-coupe-bastard-thing in between the CLA and CLS.
it’s like a Nissan X-Terra and a Toyota FJ-Cruiser had drunk sex
Also, Mercedes is differentiating model lines by dropping the “Benz” from the Mercedes-Benz name.
For example: the new 2-door Mercedes sports car will be called the Mercedes-AMG GT, and the new 4-door ultra-limo will be called the Mercedes-Maybach S600.
Finally, something that makes sense. The original Maybach concept that debuted in Tokyo was called the Mercedes-Benz Maybach. When Maybach became a standalone brand selling vaguely-similar-to-Mercedes-vehicles, it was a case of too much, too soon.
dem headlights doe
There’s probably a perfectly reasonable explanation for these name-changes that has to do with patents and trademarks.
For example — when Infiniti gets from the G35 to the G55 — that’s a Mercedes, so they couldn’t use that alphanumeric moniker.
Mercedes hits a wall with all of the Cadillac “C” cars — God forbid someone buy a CLK and think it’s a Cadillac — as well as the derivations of existing models — the “MLK” probably wouldn’t be the best tribute to the famed Civil Rights leader.
I have a dream that one day I will have a compact SUV named after me
So what does all this mean?
I don’t know, other than you’re going to confuse the hell out of a lot of salesmen and a lot of consumers and you’re going to find a whole lot of metallic “K” insignias on eBay going for dirt cheap.
can’t wait to put this on my civic